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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Well, it's been a long haul in getting my oldest ds through school. He's hated it and it's been really a struggle. It looks like he's going to actually graduate, believe me, we just didn't really know if he would....Anyway, he doesn't want a party or open house, he doesn't even want to go through the ceremony. He gets angry when the subject is even brought up and I'm not trying to force him or guilt him into it, but this should be a happy time and it's just really sad. I guess I've started to accept that this is the way it is, but I still can't help feeling down about it. Anybody else been in this situation? :dis:
 

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I was in his place too. My issue was that I was practically tormented by my peers so I wanted to get far away from anything dealing with school. It took a long time for me to stop benig upset and angry at them. If it has been a struggle to get through school then actually doing it by the skin of his teeth probably doesn't feel like much of an accomplishment.
And any sense of accomplishment is probably overshadowed by his hurt and anger towards everyone there.

...but I'm just speaking from my own experience.
 

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I was like that and we ended up not having a party for my HS graduation. Instead I took off travelling the next day after HS was done and my parents never pressured the party thing on me. It was a struggle to get through HS but a few years later I decided to go to college and am still working on my degree. Won't have a party after graduating college either.

IMHO, respect your son's wishes and don't have a party. But whatever you decide, good luck! :)
 

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My oldest son is still like that...he never liked being fussed over for his birthday...didn't want a graduation party either. So what we did was that I made a special 21 layered lasagna meal, gave him $20 and handed him a plaque that I had for him since he was little(waiting for this time in his life to give it to him). Later that evening, we had snacks & watched a movie. He seemed okay with that since it was just immediate family.
 

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The school scene isn't for everyone. Does he have friends? Job? Happy otherwise? Seems to me the real world is alot more fun than school was sometimes. Congratulations, he's a survivor and has his whole future ahead. Hope he finds a job doing what makes him happy. :hugz:
 

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My son almost dropped out two weeks before graduation he hated school so much. He only stayed because I told him he owed me BIG time for sticking by him through the @%&*%** he put me and the family through over the years.

I would say just be thrilled from your head to your toes that he's graduating.... seriously. It's HUGE that he's managing to do so. Give him in gifts and sincere pats on the pats whatever you'd have spent on a party, since it's really more about him than about showing off. Tough, I know -- far, far too well.

Blessings,
Mary
 

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It's great that he's getting that diploma... someday he will thank you!

Kids often don't turn out the way we'd hope or want... My son was the 'perfect' kid... 4.0 GPA, no drugs/drinking, pleasant personality. During high school he 'fell in love' with an absolute nut-case girl. He graduated last year and is still seeing her.... she controls his every step and he allows it.

So I try to look at the bright side... but I know how you feel :bang:
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I'm really hoping that life will be way better for him after he graduates. He does struugle with depression, though he does seem to have friends and does have a girlfriend (who is already in her first year of college). He doesn't have any goals for the future yet, I think he needs more time to figure it all out. I'm not going to pressure him. I will be very grateful when he finally finishes. I know it's been hard on him.
 

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I would definitely not force the party. I breezed through high school, and did the graduation thing, but refused anything else, even refused to have a senior picture in the yearbook. I just wasn't interested in anything about high school except the academics. The celebration would just be more torture.

If there is depression involved, I would not presume to offer any real advice. But would a no pressure "chill out" time help? Give him time to forget the horror of high school before he has to tackle anything else? He just may not have the mental energy left right now to face anything else.
 

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Yes I have, my dd did not attend her graduation.
She did let me have a small party for her with a couple of her friends and mostly family.
If he is uncomfortable with this maybe an immediate family dinner in or out would be more his style.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
It's kind of good to know that there are other kids who don't have an interest in the whole graduation thing. Maybe I'm making it out to be a bigger thing than it really needs to be. Really, I am so grateful that he is getting his diploma. I guess in the big scheme of things, the little details probably don't mattter much. Thanks for the support.
 

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Sounds like he knows what he feels about it, so I say let him. If YOU want to have a party with some of your friends to celebrate your rite of passage into parent of a graduate, then do that - but don't make him attend if he doesn't want to.

Most kids I've known have not had parties, most did attend graduation, many liked it and some really did not. I did go to my HS one, as I was one of the speakers, but quite possibly would have preferred not to other than the sense of responsibility toward it. I declined my college ones, and have never regretted that. I did let my parents take me out to dinner for graduation on the night before it was to occur. And, for what it is worth, NOBODY has ever accused me of being anti-social - I just don't enjoy big-crowd events.
 

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I didn't go to either of my graduations and didn't want a party for either, it seemed pointless to me and I don't regret it, I still feel they are more for the parents. Sometimes you just want a chapter of your life to close without fanfare and let you quietly move on to the next one. Respect his wishes and maybe pull him aside that day, give him something that would mean something to him (baseball tix, a gift card to buy an outfit for a new job, a gc for a dinner out, whatever he likes) and tell him how proud you are that he stuck it out.
 

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My folks insisted I attend my senior graduation and it was the most boring 4 hours of my HS memories. I hated it. I refused to go onstage for my AA degree and then wasted another 4 hours of my life at my BS degree graduation. I cast my vote to the no pressure celebrate within the family, let him know youre proud of his hard work and support him as he sorts out his future.

OH, congratulations to YOU! The fact that he finished and didn't drop out is a great accomplishment too. :)
 

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Don't pressure your son to go to the ceremony. I would just give him a card with a heartfelt note telling him how proud you are of him for sticking it out and finishing. Oh, some cash would be nice, too. Just take whatever you would have shelled out for a celebration, and stick that in the card also. Congratulations to your son. I hated high school, and left when I was 15. I have a genius level IQ, and aced the GED test. I just hated the prison-like feel of school.
 

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I think its great that your son has completed his high school. Its a huge relief on you and a significant reality check that you did GREAT as a parent. Its a pat on the back more to the parent then the child.

I know in HS I wasnt part of the popular barbie clique nor was I deemed a geek. I had friends in all social circles and hung out with them about the same. I prefered to be solo often but that was my choice.

I did the big walk across the stage (mostly to reassure my parents that I did do good in life and to signal to them that I had reached at least one 'stereotypical' milestone in life) and I agree, it was the most boring part of HS. Listening to the monotone speeches with the applause and then the sad attempt at music listening to our school band for 3 hours. Ugh! The only good thing was I learned how involved some of my friends were with the school then they had let on - their list of awards and achievements told us all otherwise.

After the grad, I went out with a few friends for dinner - one barbie, one jock, one geek, one band member and one drama queen. We had a blast! Then some of them went off to the 'grad party' hosted by a few of the 'richer cliquier' kids. I chose to go home and curl up early in bed :lol:

Id suggest just explaining to your son that you're very proud of him and that he graduated and explain that its a relief and a signal to you that you didnt fail as a parent. Offer to have a quiet family dinner of whatever his heart desires or if its in the budget - eat out at his choice of restaurant. He can invite a friend or two, gf etc with the family as well etc. Make it about him and his choices. IF he says no, tell him that he has has to have the family dinner and he's done with it.

Thats just my opinion on this situation - Im not trying to tell you what to do nor say you're not a good parent by any means.....Im sorry if this post comes across this way. (I think my heads a big foggy still from waking up too early this am. My words dont work as well yet :lol:)
 

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I agree with everybody else, let your son decide for himself - he's old enough now.

With that said, I'm surprised at how many people didn't want to or weren't part of their high school or college graduations. I graduate college in May and I was just saying last week to one of my friends that I don't understand why people wouldn't want to be a part of the ceremony. I was never bored at high school graduation and I don't expect to be at my college ceremony either. For me, it's four hours when I can revel in my accomplishment and have a little bit of a spotlight. It's time to celebrate and be happy. It's my "fifteen minutes" of fame, so to speak. And I like to commemorate closing chapters in my life.. high school graduation closed my chapter as a minor, there's a scrap book to commemorate the chapter of my year in germany, and college graduation commemorates closing my college chapter... BUT - that's just me...

Now that I've gotten some people's opinions from the other side of the fence, it makes more sense to me why some people don't want to do graduation. :) Which is cool, everybody is different. Thank you all for clearing this up to me... even though you didn't realize it.

Like I said - if your son doesn't want to do graduation, don't make him. Let him celebrate in his own way. Even if it doesn't seem to be celebrating too much.
 
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