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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm feeling kind of hurt and am needing to hear some other perspectives on this. My mother's day was horrible. My mom can't stand my mil and this is nothing new, but it's always an issue around holidays. I never know how to be fair and really would like some peace for all involved, but she just doesn't seem to see any other side but her own. This year, I thought we could invite both moms over for a little dinner on mother's day. Both got a pretty hanging plant. I wasn't meaning to hurt anyone. I was trying to support my husband, who also would like to honor his mom. It's hard to go to two different places on the same day to celebrate with two different people, too. My mom was so angry. She said she did not want to ever share her holidays with *her*, and that next year I shouldn't even invite her (my mom) so she wouldn't have to turn me down. I tried to explain that there were three moms and only one mother's day, and that I was in the middle and trying to respect everyone involved. I know my mom hates my mil, really hates her, but I'm so tired of all the bitterness and hate. I don't think she'll ever change. I know in my heart that I've been a good daughter, but this is all so sad. I feel that mother's day will be tainted from now on. I know that I should try to adjust my feelings, but it's hard when it comes to my mother. Anything I am missing here? :(
 

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:hugz: Pip,
It sounds like you have done everything that you can to be a good daughter and DIL. Next Mother's Day, send both of your mothers a beautiful card and you, DH and your own little family celebrate together. You may have to alternate other holidays with your Mom and you MIL. My SIL has to do that because there is friction between her mom and MIL. There are other times when they will do Christmas morning with our side and Christmas dinner with her hubbie's side. I think it's all very sad because I really like both of the "Moms" involved there and get along with them very well. And Pip, don't ever feel bad about just celebrating a holiday with your own little family. I spent a wonderful Mother's Day with my DH and boys and we didn't join in with the huge party at my MIL's. She completely understood and said she wish that she could have had a quiet day too. :)
 

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In your place, I would just send each a card and or gift and celebrate with my dh and children.
It is very unfair for your mom to try and make you feel guilty. Plus trying to manipulate you this way.
Do not let her ruin a day that is made to celebrate ALL mothers.
How did your mil behave? Did she somehow provoke your mom?
Next year stay home and give yourself a wonderful mom's day!
 

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I agree with the above. Sometimes you just can't get adults to stop acting like children. You deserve a nice little mother's day just for you. Send them a card and maybe see them separately a few days before or after mother's day at their homes. You have certainly done the best you could.
 

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I totally agree with the ladies, send a card or take over a card and gift a day or so before and then it's done! I feel so badly for you when all you were trying to do was have everyone together on such a special day. Hope next Mother's Day will be special just for "you"!!:smball:
 

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Pip, I am so sorry that you are being put in this horrible position. You are being a wonderful daughter and DIL by trying to have a nice dinner for both of them. I agree with the others that spending the day with your DH and DKs is a great idea, but if you feel that you want to spend a special time with Mother and MIL is it possible to celebrate with one of them the Saturday before Mother's Day and the other the weekend before Mother's Day. That way you could have a special time with each and still be able to have a nice Mother's Day for yourself.

Here is a :hugz: for you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thankyou for the support. My mil can be different at times, but lately seems to be trying to get along. She was actually pretty decent yesterday,and I'm happy that I don't feel hostility towards her. My mom does seem to be having a hard time in holding grudges these days(towards my dad, too). I would like a nice mothers day, so maybe we do need to just celebrate by ourselves. Maybe we celebrate with them separately. I won't try to force them together in the future, but this just makes a person weary. Thanks again. I guess we always want to make our mothers happy.
 

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Welcome to my world. I go through this crap every holiday. Not because everyone can't get along, but my parents live at one end of the state and dh's the other- and we live in the middle. So as you know all to well- every holiday, someone's PO'd at us because we WILL NOT drive all over the countryside with 2 small children to see everyone in one day. My Mother's Day went about the same as yours.

Honestly- there's only 2 solutions I can come up with (actually, 3)

1. Move across the country so no one will expect us to visit.

2. Stay home and if people want to see us, they knoew where we live. (then we'd never see dh's mom because she can't find her way out of a phone booth, much less 80 miles from her doorstep)

3. Become Jehovah's so I don't have to deal with ANY holidays.

I'm telling you, after Sunday, #3 is looking really good- LOL!!

Hugs to you- you're not alone. Isn't it just great (not!) how holidays that are supposed to bring families together just tear them apart?

Laura
 

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I agree with everything that has been said. and a very big :hugz: to you. I think it is childish to act this way...but don't worry, you are not alone to go through this, unfortunately...I think you made your effort. The sugestions made by everyone are just very good! Don't ruin your day..it is yours also.:)

Laura;you are so right....
Isn't it just great (not!) how holidays that are supposed to bring families together just tear them apart?
...how sad is that...? I know what it is, also...
 

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I'm sorry pip you had such a bad day.

My MIL thinks this day is all about her. I have a mother also, and I would like to celebrate it myself. Instead, I have to go to church and out to lunch with MIL, then she expected me to come over her house too. (they live 2 miles away). Then I have to make dinner for my parents for Mother's Day. When do I get to celebrate?

Pip, I have these problems at Christmas. One of these days, I'm gonna tell everyone if you want to see us on Christmas, you know where we live.

Mel is right, this holiday is for ALL mothers, but I feel I don't get to enjoy it.
 

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I agree with the other ladies. (((hugs)))
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Thanks for all the support. I talked to my mom on the phone yesterday, and she's still feeling wronged. It's strange. I don't think she has a clue as to how hurtful she was to me. I told my husband that next year I want to spend mother's day just with us, and that I'm not going to try to make them be together on the holidays. That is just a dream that will never pan out. I'm learning much about the way I do not want to be when I am older.
 
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