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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ahh, the continuing saga.

At our emergency hearing the judge awarded me temporary custody until our trial date next month. My ex ix not allowed to keep the girls overnight because he has been leaving them alone as he works as -- are you sitting down? - a male stripper!!!!!!!!!!!! Ay yi yi. He has not even made a real emergency plan for the girls when they are alone - which is my biggest issue with them being there overight.

The trial is the 2nd week of December and my lawyer wants an additional $5000. We would ask for court costs, legal fees and arrears support, full custody, etc, etc.

Wayne called me and now wants to settle out of court. He has no lawyer. I would have to let him have overnight visits but he finally agreed to make an emergency plan with the girls as opposed to telling me it was none of my business. He will give me $1000 toward his arrears and make his monthly payments + 100 toward the rest of the money he owes me, collectible through the family responsiblities office. I would have full custody. He only wants my parents to have them for 3 weeks in the summer instead of 4 weeks. If there were a problem with his behavior with the kids (bad-mouthing and stirring up trouble) Children's Aid will step in as they have become involved in the situation and are providing counseling for the girls.

If we go to court I know they will award me a lot more money. That's great but since he works for cash, he is under the radar and there will be no real way to collect. If he will voluntarily agree to pay me at least I will get something. I think because Childrens Aid is involved it will help maintain control of things like their visits.

What do you think? Spend the $5000 and go to court and screw him to the wall? Who will that really help? The hostility is already unbearable - I cannot imagine it getting worse! Or settle to keep the peace, collect what I can, and deal with parenting issues through Children's Aid?
 

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Spend the $5000 and go to court and screw him to the wall? Who will that really help? The hostility is already unbearable - I cannot imagine it getting worse! Or settle to keep the peace, collect what I can, and deal with parenting issues through Children's Aid?

I agree that the stress and hostility is not good for the kids but I'm afraid if there isn't something "official" between you two then you may find yourself chasing him down again in a few months. He says he will pay but what he does is another thing. I have friends who have went thru things like this and its like :beat:

Gosh..what a dilema. I feel for you and your children. I don't really have any advise..just hugs and prayers.
 

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If you go to court then you will have everything in writing.

It sounds as though you want to believe that he really will do as he is saying he will do, but you have to be practical. This is your girls' future and SAFETY at stake. He may have the best intentions in the world, but what is his track record? Not very good. He IS your children's dad and you probably did care a lot about him at one point, but you MUST not let emotions enter into your decisions.
 

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I personally would want everything in writing, even if you write it up and he signs it and get it notorized, either way you have yourself covered. JMHO :)
 

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I personally would want everything in writing, even if you write it up and he signs it and get it notorized, either way you have yourself covered. JMHO :)
:yeah: My biggest concern would be the kids & if he does get things up to par with that (safety)and follows through with the rest I would go for it. But like Tracy said I'd get your agreement on paper & notarized. All this with him knowing that if this doesn't work you'll have no choice but to go with the court plan. I'd also note that on the agreement.
Good luck!
 

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We're all on the same page here. I would want it all in writing so therefore it enforceable.
 

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I'd bite the bullet and haul him through the court system, in the short term it will be uncomfortable, but in the long run it will be for the best. SCREW HIM TO THE WALL!!!!

And btw, I've MISSED YOU AND BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU HUN!!! Big hugs!

We've got crazy situations here with the neighbor and my good friends ex, urgh, to the point I've had to get the sheriff involved, ain't it always something?

kj
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I didn't make the situation clear enough in my post. The agreement is the one drawn up by m lawyer. It will be signed in front of witnesses at my lawyers office, then presented to the judge. Once the judge signs it this will be an official custody decree, and the child support will be enforced by the Family Responsibilities Office.
 

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Hi Daisygirl, nice to see you around again. I would be very leary of settling out of court. In my opinion, he is trying to get off easy because he sees the hammer coming. Once you do he will know that he still has some degree of control and you will continue to fight for what is yours. Good luck with it all, whatever you decide. Hugs.
 

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Personally, I would take him to court.

IMHO, he sees this another way of establishing some sort of control over you. This is the man that took your children from you and said he would drop them off whenever he felt like it right? Now he is leaving those girls alone at night and then trying to tell YOU how long they can visit your parents?

I think he is doing this to maintain an element of control over you and the girls are just bargaining chips to him.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but I would rather tell it how I see it (which is based on what I've seen you post).
 

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Personally, I would take him to court.

IMHO, he sees this another way of establishing some sort of control over you. This is the man that took your children from you and said he would drop them off whenever he felt like it right? Now he is leaving those girls alone at night and then trying to tell YOU how long they can visit your parents?

I think he is doing this to maintain an element of control over you and the girls are just bargaining chips to him.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but I would rather tell it how I see it (which is based on what I've seen you post).
I forgot about that...hmmm...
What does your lawyer advise? If ex doesn't hold up his end can you take him to court immediately?
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
My lawyer thinks I should take the money and run. He figures that if Wayne feels like he is running the show he will pay me, other wise forget about it. This IS the agreement that my lawyer and I wrote up - Wayne has had no input in this agreement except for the exta week in Arkansas.

This is so stressful. I mean, first of all, he may be just jerking us around further trying to stay out of court (which will NOT happen if I do not have a legal binding agreement!) Secondly, and I know this is stupid, considering all the idiotic thing she has done, I feel kind of bad keeping the kids away from their father. I know, I know, I sound pathetic saying that.

Finally, and this makes me sound cheap -- coming up with $5000 when I can't even afford new winter boots for the kids is not going to be easy. However, if I have to do it I will, because I have never yet let down my children.
 

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Karen,

The money part sounds Ok, and having everything in writing also sounds good.......I have a problem with him having any say over the girls, after him keeping them that one time and scaring them......also with his line of work you don't know what kind of people he may bring around your girls......is there any way you could get visitation where he has to visit them with a mediator there???

JMHO,
leezza
 

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I think as long as you are going along with what your lawyer knows about then you are doing what is best for all of you. I agree about you not seeing a dime if you go to court. As far as your ex dh and his visitation right?, well, he's their dad. You can't just 'expect' him to do wrong. He already knows they will tell on him so I think you are safe with his limited visitation. Hugs and glad you are back.
 

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Hi Karen,
I hope you don't mind me just jumping in here, even though I haven't really been keeping up with your whole saga (I just happened upon it).

Having gone through a very similiar situation with my ex and his first wife, I would reccommend taking the deal. Because he had no lawyer, he used his ex's lawyer (just like your situation) and it was written in that he would be responsible for half of the legal bill. You did the responsible thing in hiring a lawyer, don't let him freeload off of that - make him pay for it.

Could you get it written into the deal that he must arrange to be off work on the nights he has the girls? I mean everyone gets *some* off days, right?

I'm sorry you are going through this.
 

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I would follow your attorney's advice. I would add in that he must keep you informed of where he is working.I say great if he's a stripper.Better than claiming he cannot work at all.Better chance to get money. If he is going to leave the girls alone while he works, he will be doing something similar to what your situation was over the summer.I would offer him your plan for emergencies or discuss with him a plan.Good luck. You will need it.(Why would he care if the girls visited grandma over the summer?- Shakes head.)
 

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Why is it that we women are so thoughtful to their situation even knowing that they don't think of ours, even though we are the ones with their children? I tried all of that and guess what? NADA. He did not live up to his word. Protect yourself and your daughters. He may not pay now, but he will.
 

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You need the court to order that he have appropriate care for the girls at night - or that they not spend nights in his care. Otherwise, he WILL repeat the prior behavior. he is willing to concede right now because if he can keep it out of court you have no way of enforcing the agreement. Don't be a sucker to his manipulation.
 
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