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It doesn't seem to be getting any better here. After a divorce from dh #1 not only was I devistated my parents were deeply hurt too. I met DBF 2 & 1/2 yrs ago and we have been together for 2 yrs now *made him chase me a little while make sure he was serious. Before my parents and friends met DBF they thought he was a pretty good guy bought me flowers, treated the kids to stuff. Since they have got to know him my Mom has made no bones about it she don't like him and when he's not around doesn't seem bother her to remind me of this. Dad tolerates him but once again mom says he doesn't really like him but he would never tell me this. My friend well she just doesn't like him and recently when we all needed to go somewhere wanted to know if she could have a ride but wouldn't ride if DBF was going too. So I'm like wth ? For christmas he and I bought my parents a 50 inch plasma tv(his idea), he drives a truck so when he was working for this one company he would often bring food and saying send it out to the friends to share. He's very generous to them. I know he's a little loud but he's deaf in one ear. I'm just not getting it? He treats me well, would do or buy anything for me. The only thing I can think of is he a little more clingy than most men, but he's home a day and a half to 2 days a week it's all the time he gets with me for crying out loud. And he tries to help make the kids do their chores but lets face it he's not their dad and they don't like to do their chores so I can only imagine what they have told Mom and Dad. I'm heartbroken b/c it's so important to me that we all get along. Please keep in mind that Mom doesn't like anyone will find fault with everyone and her sister my aunt had a bf that was a truck driver and he turned out be not be such a good person so I'm sure this has help influence this. What do you do when your family doesn't REALLY accept them?
 

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Well I am going to say this and this will sound harsh. If he treats you and your kids well, who cares what they think? You said in your post your mother would find fault with anyone so whose issue is that? If he were treating you or your kids badly then she would have a reason to feel the way she does but you are a
GROWNUP and its your life. Yes it would be nice for everyone to like everyone but thats not the case in most situations and you need to put yourself and your kids above that
 

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Have you been able to ask you family and friends "why don't you like him?"

If they can't articulate an answer then (imho) they're opinion wouldn't hold much value to me. If they can give clear and concise reasons why they don't like him then take a moment to step back from your emotions and look at the situations they mention. They may be seeing things a little more objectively.

If they paint a totally different picture of him than you see (and no, don't let your heart jump to his rescue and make excuses for him) then you have something to think about. They may be totally off base or you might be experiencing the "love is blind" syndrome.
 

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I too, would ask what it is that makes them not like him?? Are you sure that you have looked out him through clear eyes and not lovesick cloudy eyes?? Is your family usually critical of whom you date?? Do they have pattern of dislike of your SO?? If you can answer some of these questions, and still find no faults with the guy yourself, then, heck with it, keep dating and your family will have to get over it. Also, do you think they may feel he is controlling, since you mentioned the time factor and his behavior when he is off?
 

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If you are sure there is no real reason for their dislike of him, it's your life and too bad so sad if they don't like him. Their job is to be polite, if they aren't they should not be in your home. Only people who make you happy & treat you & yours with respect should be a part of your life. It's their problem, don't make it yours. It is sad that you don't have the "everyone loves everyone" family but none of us really do. Out with the bad & in with the good. Take joy in what you do have and nurture positive relationships not toxic ones.
Good luck!
 

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My brother and his illicit lover broke up two families, and threw the children involved into emotional turmoil when they decided they were experiencing true love and began to shack up. I don't like her. I'm not fond of him at the moment . I have no respect for either.I am polite to them both, because I realize that most likely, in five years, I won't remember what she even looked like.
 

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Have you been able to ask you family and friends "why don't you like him?"

If they can't articulate an answer then (imho) they're opinion wouldn't hold much value to me. If they can give clear and concise reasons why they don't like him then take a moment to step back from your emotions and look at the situations they mention. They may be seeing things a little more objectively.

If they paint a totally different picture of him than you see (and no, don't let your heart jump to his rescue and make excuses for him) then you have something to think about. They may be totally off base or you might be experiencing the "love is blind" syndrome.
:yeah: I totally agree.
 

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I have been on both sides of this fence. My parents didn't like my first husband but tolerated him. When we divorced, my uncle who is only 5 years older than I am, asked me what took so long? It's not that my ex was bad, it's just that I could do better and they all knew it. When I marred my second husband my mom was thrilled and so were my grandparents. It truly makes a difference. (more on this in a few minutes) It's a good feeling when your family likes your spouse. Family and friends can look at that person with different, objective eyes, and see them in ways that you can not because you are too up close and personal to the situation.

On the other side of the fence, my daughter dated someone who we didn't care for. He seemed nice enough in the beginning but as time went on it became obvious that he was not a good match for my daughter. After 5 years, when she was close to graduating from college and ready to marry and start a family, he bailed on her. He used her the whole time they lived together. At first he was very ambitious, working two jobs to pay off his debts but overtime it became obvious that we were wrong because he never made any real progress in that area and was more interested in hunting, fishing, and racing cars. He blamed my daughter for his lack of progress. Yet she was working 32 hours a week and going to school full time. He expected her to contribute more, not realizing that in the long run, after graduation, she would earn more than he.

Now, the husband that my mom was thrilled about me marrying didn't turn out like either of us imagined. After being married 10 years, he decided he wanted to drive a truck. If I had known that he would make that decision, I would never have married him. Being the wife of a trucker is hard, really hard. It's a lonely life and the wife gets short changed.

This may be what is up with your family, especially given the fact that your Aunt knows this first hand how hard it is. My husband missed everything that was ever important. He was never around for the kids birthdays or school activities or sports events, never around for my birthdays or his own. Never here for a Valentine's Day, wedding anniversaries, July 4th or any other holiday except Thanksgiving and Christmas. If he owns his own truck, it's even worse than if he is employed by someone else. Self employed people don't get paid holidays or vacations without a loss of income.

But the worst of all, he was not here when I needed him the most...when my daughter died. I needed his emotional support and he couldn't get home for 2 days. For two days I had to deal with her loss with no comfort or support. I had to make all the arrangements and he showed up for the funeral. Life happens and you can't always plan on it and time it so that he can be home when you need him.

When he was home, it was all about getting him ready to go out again. Buying his food for the road, getting all his laundry done and then when he is gone, I was left with everything else. Our house maintenance was neglected, my emotional needs were neglected, as were his. He was never here to help with the housework or shopping or the kids. He missed so much and so did we.

Making a good living as a trucker is getting harder. With the cost of fuel rising and the wages or truck revenue not rising to keep pace, the increase cuts into the bottom line, the paycheck. Another note, it's hard to transition back into the real workforce after driving for a living. If he can't drive, what else would he be qualified for? Truck driving is hard on the body. We got lucky when hubby crawled out of the truck, but others we have known were not so lucky and they are working warehouse jobs for not much more than minimum wage. Others we know, who are still driving are finding it tougher and tougher to make a decent living and they are one by one coming out of the truck and getting real jobs because they can't afford to stay in the truck.

I wish you luck in your relationship with your new BF and I hope it works out for the best for all.
 

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Here's what I think:

If he treats you and the children right, then what other people think about him shouldnt matter. Remember this is YOUR life and dont let others control it.

Seems to me that "they" know that you know they dont like him and WANT you to break up with him, I say heck no! While he may be clingy he treats you like you should be treated and that's what matters most.... and you love each other.

Love overcomes all things, believe me I know.
 

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I'll be the odd one out here too. I think you need to ask what's bothering them.

My sister wouldn't listen to her ex's friends, people he'd grown up with and even his own parents about not marrying him, which she did twice. She's got 2 great kids she had to raise with help from our family. The guy was nice but there was just something about him that didn't "smell" right. We'd known him since he was 13 and yes, I did say something.

I've worked with about 50 young girls from 14-18, I tell them that if their parents "see" something about the guy they are dating to listen to them. All of them have found out the hard way at least once that dad knew what he was talking about. My dad could size up any man/boy and imparted alot of wisdom.

As long as they aren't controlling the situation but are just not sure about him, frankly I think you might need to step back from him and look with clearer eyes. Women tend to not see things as they are when they are in the throes of lust/love/passion whatever. They may see things that you are overlooking.
 

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Well you asked so I guess it's ok for me to say.......Your family and friends saw you go thru a bad marriage......I am guessing, that you are living with BF??? If so maybe your family and your friend don't think this man is respecting you enough........I know that this is really old fashion but a lot of families and friends, and possibly your children don't think this is right and it shows a lack of respect.

JMHO,
leezza
 

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I think if he treats you and your kids good then forget what other people say or think.

I am the one not liked, my husbands mother and one of his sisters don't like me at all. The question would be why I don't know, I have never hurt either my husband or either one of them, they used to live within 2 hours and when they did I was the 1st person they would call if they needed a babysitter or help around the house I was the one who without question or complaining would be there helping and yet I am not liked. The both of them are very hurtful people say mean things to me and about me and our kids (my husband and I have been married for 15 years know each other for 17 years and have 4 kids and yes they are his bio kids).

I will tell you if he listened to either his mother or sister we wouldn't be a couple but it wasn't their decision my husband and I love and respect each other and the heck with anyone else.

Eileen
 
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