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I am wondering how you and your SO divide the bills and make it month to month? I have been going through a personal dilema with the bills. I have been unemployed for about 5 months now and I only get around $1,000/month to live on. I have a feeling that I will be making less once I go back to work. The only options in my area are full time entry level jobs at ~$7/hr or part time jobs, some paying as high as $8-$9/hr. Either way, it doesn't seem like I will likely make much more than $1,000/month take home. Between paying for half the cost of our apartment, utilities, and then my own bills (college loan, car loan, car insurance, health insurance, cc minimum, food, and gasoline) I pay ~$1,200/month to cover everything. Then there are those extra expenses like dental work, gifts, and misc that I don't have any money for.

My fiance makes ~1,400/month and has less bills to pay then I do. He pays for half of our apartment and utilities. Then his own expenses are (car loan, car insurance, food, and gasoline.) His car loan is $100 less than mine and his car insurance is a little less too. He won't have to start paying his college loan for another 3 1/2 years. He also has a $7,000 EF for himself.

My problem is that we have been together for 4 years and living together for almost 2 years. I moved here to be with him. The area we moved to is very economically depressed. I didn't have a job when I first moved here and he still made me pay half of the bills. In fact, he paid them upfront and then he made me pay him back the money for my half of the rent and utilities after I found a job. I wasn't able to save any money for myself and then I was let go from my job, without an emergency fund saved. Ironically it was the month that I made my last payment to my fiance.

I had to borrow $300 from him this month to have a bad tooth worked on. He expects that money back too. I just want to know if this sounds right to people? It seems like I should be paying for a percentage of the rent and utilities based on how much I earn. If we did that, I might at least be able to break even with my bills each month. It just seems like together we bring home $2,400/month. That seems like it should be more than enough to cover our expenses. I know my fiance isn't struggling financially and hasn't been since we moved here. That's all I have been doing since I moved here, I have been financially struggling to keep my head above the water. He thinks that he is "helping" me by making me pay him back what he lets me borrow. After 4years I am just disgusted with this money situation. He doesn't want to get married until he's closer to finishing grad. school. This means that I could theoretically struggle financially for 3 1/2 more years.

I have tried to talk to him about our money situation. He says that he shouldn't be expected to pay more rent and utilities just because I can't afford them. His solution is that I should work 2 or more jobs to afford my expenses. My solution was that we move to a less expensive apt. We actually don't pay very much here and we have heat included. It's a safe area and we have enough space for us and two cats. I am sure he would hate to move from here and suffer in a smaller apt. He likes to have a lot of space. What he doesn't understand is space is money, and I can't afford what we have. I was just wondering what other people do? It seems like if I am engaged to this man there should be more combining of the income to better the both of us, not just to better him and fluff up his already funded EF.
 

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IMO, if you are going to get married it shouldn't be "your money, my money". I haven't worked since me and DH got married (SAHM) but it's our money, no matter who makes it.

You "borrow" money from him? Why doesn't he just give you money because he loves you? That's kind of like giving you a gift then expecting you to pay him back for it. If you plan on getting married, why not start acting like it together? A wife does borrow then pay back her husband (At least I hope not.).

I'm just trying to wrap my mind around this. Good luck in figuring something out.
 

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Well, in our house, I do the work of the actual paying of the bills. But they are OUR bills. We don't divide up our home between his/hers - everything is OURS. It really is so much simpler that way.
 

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IMO, if you are going to get married it shouldn't be "your money, my money". I haven't worked since me and DH got married (SAHM) but it's our money, no matter who makes it.

You "borrow" money from him? Why doesn't he just give you money because he loves you? That's kind of like giving you a gift then expecting you to pay him back for it. If you plan on getting married, why not start acting like it together? A wife does borrow then pay back her husband (At least I hope not.).

I'm just trying to wrap my mind around this. Good luck in figuring something out.
This is actually exactly what I was thinking....I was just trying to be a bit more diplomatic about it! :) But your way was much clearer!
 

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Please don't marry a man who is like this with money & treats you like this. To have you in pain with your tooth, borrow from him & he expects you to pay it back...What's it going to be like when your married? What he's doing doesn't seem very loving.
I do not work outside our home. My husband & I are a team and share whatever money comes into this house. There is no yours or mine there is ours. All big spending is discussed. He makes the money, I pay the bills.
This is one of the major building blocks to a sound marriage.
You deserve to be part of a team, not on a seperate one. Being engaged is the time that gives you a major glimpse of whats ahead for you. Warning flags are all over the place. Personally I'd consider this a life lesson, move back home to be closer to friends & family & move on. You probably know alot of this in your heart, I wish you well, really.:hugz:
 

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I pay the bills in our home. I am a SAHW( kids have all flown the coop). All money in the home is OURS.All financial holdings, stock, savings and
investments belong to us both. All household accounts are ours together.We have life insurance policies set up to protect the one we love in case of death.I worked before we were married , and for some time after our marriage. We always put our money together,saved first from it, paid bills, and took care of everything together.I have an account of my own that I play around with, husband is listed on the account as well.
I would'nt be living with him.
 

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Ever since we got married, all our money has gone into a joint account. Sometimes I make more, sometimes he makes more, but all the bills are paid from the joint account. I am the one who pays all the bills so I give him his "allowance", his money that he doesn't have to account to me for, and I have my own as well. Then we discuss any large purchases before we make them.

In relationships where the money is still divided, the most logical and fair split I've heard of is to figure out what percentage of the income each of you bring in (him 60%/you 40% or whatever) and then the usual amount of bills, and you each put into a joint account your percentage of the bills (if the total is $1000 in bills, then he puts in $600, you put in $400). You each get to spend freely the remainder.

Why should you be penalized because you make less money than him? And the option to move to a smaller apartment should be one you make together. My personal problem would be what happens if things don't change and you owe him some huge amount when you get married? Does it go away or does he ask for monthly payments from his new wife?

If it's going to be 2 years until you get married, and the job market is that bad where ya'll are living now, he should think about why you're living there with him instead of somewhere you could have a better job and make more money.
 

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I agree that there shouldnt be your money and his money especially if you guys are deciding on getting married. I dont feel you should have to "borrow" money from him, he should be willing to give it to you without asking for repayment, that sounds a bit like a red flag to me. I think you need to re-think this relationship because if things like this are already happening now, what can you expect once your married?

I dont work, my DH does but whatever money comes into the home is ours together, I think you need to have a heart-2-heart discussion with your fiance about things or maybe it's time you moved on, but that's JMO.
 

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Me and DH lived together for two years before we got engaged. Living together is supposed to test the waters to see if you want to get married. If you don't want to live your married life like this, you should sit down and have a talk. When you want get pregnant, does he expect you to work 2+ jobs to pay your "half"? Or if you don't plan on kids, what if you get ill?

When we were just living together, we kept seperate accounts but DH paid a bigger percentage of the bills since he worked a good full-time job and I was part-time employed and a full-time student. We pretty much made sure we had the same amount of spending money and then the rest went towards bills and savings.
 

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I dont work, my DH does but whatever money comes into the home is ours together, I think you need to have a heart-2-heart discussion with your fiance about things or maybe it's time you moved on, but that's JMO.
Tracy you do work! You run a household and are raising three kids!:cheergrl:
 

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Wow, I'm so sorry that you're in this situation! I would not put up with that if I was you.

I make quite a bit more money than my hubby does, and we never even think about it. It just all goes into our bank account and all of our bills come out of the joint pool and we share all of the rest of it for the groceries and gas and fun money that we need. There is no "his" or "mine". I would never dream of it. It's been like this since we were engaged. If I made him "borrow money" and "pay me back" he'd be forever in debt to me! lol

I really hope you're able to sort this out with him. This does not sound like the makings of a stable marriage, sorry to say. :(
 

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Tracy you do work! You run a household and are raising three kids!:cheergrl:
Thanks and your right, and I think I do a pretty good job, lol I am also the housekeeper, wife, taxi cab, accountant, bill payer, etc, :) Thanks for reminding me!

I am the type of person that doesnt believe bills/money should be split, if your in a relationship where there is talk of marraige then no, no 50/50 but if you just starting dating and got an apartment together than maybe things should be split but make it a reasonable split especially if one makes more than the other.

With that being said, my DH always made more than me and ALWAYS had more bills than me and we put our money together (except child support payments, I didnt feel I should be obligated to pay for these, especially to his ex-wife) but bills, car loans, student loans, etc we paid them without saying who had to pay what amount, etc... Relationships are joint, while to make a relationship last each person is equal 50/50 that doesnt mean the bills should be split that way.

MY DH used to have terrible credit and me, well I had a defaulted student loan back in the day, lol and we used OUR money to get back on track, even though he had wayyyyy more past debts than me I didnt care because I love him, there was no, "well this is my money and I am not paying your past debt/present debts for you", if that was the case I dont think we would be married. Relationships are working together and not separating everything is my point, I wish you the best of luck in what you decide but for me I would have a nice talk with your fiance. Again JMO!
 

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This is a serious red flag. Ironically I don't the money is the real issue. It's control and lack of respect. He cares so little for your physical health that he "loans" you money to see a dentist? He thinks the answer is you holding down multiple jobs? What is this guy? The local banker? His behavior, IMO, is so very disrespectful to you. Not to mention mean-spirited.

I can tell you this: the things your SO does that bug you when you're dating are the things that will make you crazy after you marry. I hope you will consider the type of life you're signing on for with this guy.
 

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Red Flag!

This is a serious red flag. Ironically I don't the money is the real issue. It's control and lack of respect.
I agree with Cele. This man has major control issues that won't improve with a wedding band and a marriage license. (If anything, it will only get worse.) I also believe his behavior is selfish and immature.

Marriage is a joint partnership that is seldom 50/50. We pay our expenses from our combined income and always have.
 

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I would be concerned too about committing to marriage if these are his views on money. It kind of seems, and maybe I am wrong, it is his way or no way when it comes to $$. And you guys should be a team.

I am also curious how he came to have these attitudes on money? Is this how he was raised? Did he come from a poor family so maybe he is really insecure about not having money?

The ladies are correct, I think a real heart to heart talk on money, its role in your relationship as you move forward, and where you both see yourselves and your finances 5 years down the line is in order. Better to get these things out in the open now! Good luck.
 
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Add me to the growing list of people that think you should run the other way. Anyone that expects you to carry "your half" of the bills while you're unemployed and will "loan" you the money just to "teach you" about managing money is not someone you want to be with. I can understand this if maybe you were spending your money on shoes (or whatever), but clearly you grasp the concept of how to manage your money and don't need to be "taught" anything. You understand that you can make ends meet by either making more money or cutting expenses, yet your fiance only understands the "making more money" part. Clearly he is not willing to sacrafice his lifestyle or financial goals for you - and that isn't someone I'd want to be with for the rest of my life.

The other big flag I see is that he doesn't want to get married until he's further along in school. If I were in your shoes, and he didn't pick a date (even if it was a long way out - like when he graduates from school), then I would leave, because I would assume that he would never want to get married. I know people with long engagments (but definite dates to get married one) and people with just indefinite engagements - usually its just a guy stringing the girl along. Maybe he doesn't want to "give" you money because he doesn't really plan on getting married.

Sorry to sound so harsh, I just wanted to call it as I see it.


Now to answer your question...

And when my fiance and I first moved in, we also split all the bills 50-50, even though he made significantly more than I did. However, we were also both making over what we needed - if bills were $2000, we'd split it so I'd pay $1000 and he'd pay $1000, my take home was $2000 and his was $3000. So he had more to play with, but I wasn't broke or short each month, either. Since we've been married we have both had periods where one of use was unemployed, and we've never insisted that the unemployed partner pay it back.

In the beginning too, we did keep our bills somewhat separate - I continued to pay for my car and my student loans, he paid for his car and his credit cards. As we've been together longer, our money has gotten more mingled. Although unlike some people who mix their money as soon as they get married or move in together, we were married for 2 and a half years before my student loans and DH's credit cards started being paid from our joint account. At the time we made that decision, we also chose to pay according to what we made - we each kept the same fixed amount from our paychecks (say, $500 per month - so if my take-home pay was $2500 then $2000 went into joint and I kept $500, and if DH's was $4000 then $3500 went into joint and he kept $500)

We're still doing a version of this - since I'm currently unemployed, I cut my allowance back (my idea) so they're no longer equal, but it's not like I only have $20 a month. I have plenty enough to keep me happy, save some of it, etc.
 

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How selfish!! He certainly doesn't think of the two of you as a team. It's him vs. you. :fence:

What exactly would happen if you have kids? Will he bill you for time off for maternity leave?

I'm sure everyone on here is telling you what you already knew in your heart....
 

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I was once engaged to a man who was similar with his money. Needless to say, I ran the other way! You need to take a long and hard look at your relationship and decide if you can live like this for the next 50, 60, 70, etc. years because it is not likely that he will change. JMO.

To answer your question, my fiance and I don't have seperate money. I used to make more than him, but now we break about even -- I still have more bills and debt than he does -- but it's OUR money. We do have seperate bank accounts because it's easier for us, but we certainly don't label money "his" and "hers".

If you haven't tried sitting down and talking to him about this, I think it may be time. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. :hugz:
 

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In relationships where the money is still divided, the most logical and fair split I've heard of is to figure out what percentage of the income each of you bring in (him 60%/you 40% or whatever) and then the usual amount of bills, and you each put into a joint account your percentage of the bills (if the total is $1000 in bills, then he puts in $600, you put in $400). You each get to spend freely the remainder.
This is what I was going to suggest. I agree with this solution wholeheartedly and it is definitely the most fair and logical.
 

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All of our bills, cost-wise, are cut down the middle, 50/50. We each pay half of rent, half of the phone/net bill, half of the electric bill, half of the long distance bill, half of the groceries. I pay for my car insurance and my :cat:'s insurance myself, and I usually pay for gas for the car, though if I need anything, :smooch: doesn't mind helping me out.

However, the actual task of physically paying the bills is on me. I'm far more organized and will get them paid ON TIME, unlike some handsome chefs I know *hint hint* :p.
 
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