"why can't we just draw names?"

912 Views 6 Replies 5 Participants Last post by lgw, Nov 26, 2008

imagine

Discussion Starter · Nov 26, 2008

Drawing names sure it is frugal but there always seems to be that one hold out that holds up the drawing of names with "No" or "Definite no when it comes to only drawing the children's names"

I must confess that is me in my extended family. I love looking for a buying a present I think the person will love. Sure that is the main reason but it is also selfish on my part. Sometime that present from my SILs are the only present I receive that Christmas and most of the time it is the only surprise I receive.

Hubby is a awful present giver. The kind you rejoice if he stopped by the drugstore on Christmas Eve and bought you mints. My mother only buys the exact thing you requested down to the color ( if the store is out of that color she calls you to ask what other color you want and lists the choices the store has) Sometimes the children make decorations in school, some years not.

So yes that bottle of lotion or gift card for pizza is important to me. I don't want to give that up to a drawing.

So please don't get angry at the person saying no to the name draw or adult gift swap find out why it is so important to them. My extended family did and it was truly as wonderful day when they did.

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AuntSissy

· #2 · Nov 26, 2008

I 'get you' on this one, as it's nice to get a special surprise of one's very own for the Holidays. Too often, though, those of us who appreciate even the smallest of gestures/gifts don't speak up when asked...Sooooo, GOOD FOR YOU for standing up and making yourself heard!

May you have many special surprises this year (and even more warm & tender memories),
Anna (even treasures gag gifts!)

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Nishu

· #3 · Nov 26, 2008

I wouldn't say I would get upset at someone for not wanting to draw names, but I won't be the one who speaks up against it. I like getting presents and finding gifts for people as much as the next guy, but it would hurt my tender little feelins to think that some people in my family were struggling at Christmas and I couldn't help them out by just settling for family fellowship and Christmas music for a warm fuzzy. :laugh:

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imagine

Discussion Starter · #4 · Nov 26, 2008 (Edited)

Nishu said:
by just settling for family fellowship and Christmas music for a warm fuzzy. :laugh:

Now that would be cool. Only my mom lives near by everyone else lives to far away to get together. And everyone's present could be a yummy treat. That is my ultimate Christmas fantasy.

Being an only child ( by chance not choice) the more people/family together the better.

In fact the rest of hubby's family gets together every Christmas. They ask us every year and get mad when we can't . Hubby only gets Christmas day off and it costs so much to go there. Yet they won't come to our house. Sigh.

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imagine

Discussion Starter · #5 · Nov 26, 2008

okay so now I'm feeling guilty for saying no to the drawing.

Oh course everyone needs to be sensitive to the fiances of the families involved.

Please just remember that those that are saying no have reasons too.

I guess what I'm saying ask find out why someone is requesting a drawing or why they are saying no.

In my case the family didn't know how much it meant to me and that out weighed any financial need (we make less than everyone one else mainly because I stay home but that is another story for another day) We might have even been the reason they suggested the drawing.

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monkeywrangler71

· #6 · Nov 26, 2008 (Edited)

Don't feel guilty about it. I'm really glad you posted because it is a perspective that I've never thought of. We draw names in my husband's family, I'm told it was my idea (I don't remember) but they were happy about it. My brother and I stopped exchanging altogether. But our mothers (on both sides) are big gift givers, so I know there is no one in your position. If I thought there was, I would probably gift them something outside of any exchange.

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lgw

· #7 · Nov 26, 2008

I think the most important thing is to have open, honest communication. You may have legitimate reasons why you don't want to forgo giving gifts to everyone. But if there are people who are so financially strapped that they are behind in mortgage payments and other bills and are maxed out on credit cards as a result of the economic downturn (as is the case with some of our relatives), I don't think they should be pressured into continuing to purchase gifts for everyone.

DH and I have a very large extended family so buying presents for every person is financially challenging anyway. Years ago, one branch of his family (which had the most people), converted to a Yankee Swap, which we all now love.

However, instead of purchasing gifts, I've always enjoyed making gifts for family and friends. For example, I Iove to quilt. My mother and sister-in-law saw one of my quilts and loved the fabrics in it. I just so happened to have enough leftover fabric to make two table runners, one for each of them. My mother-in-law loves lavender so giving her a big (and pretty inexpensive) basket of lavender soap, body cream, shower wash, etc., is one of her Christmas delights.

The most important part of the holidays, for me at least, is to show people who I love how much they mean to me. Making them feel at ease with and enjoy gift giving during these tough economic times is one of the best ways to do that.

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