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What possesses a man to use the term "My Wife.... or My daughter.... or Mother?"

I work with a man who uses these terms and it kinda drives me crazy. I went to school with his wife years ago and he knows this. I know her name and he still refers to her as "My Wife" instead of Debbie.

Why do some people do this????

Thanks!
 

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I often will use such terms if I'm speaking with someone not familiar with my family. I'm going to have to say, "Johnny, my son' anyway, so I might as well just say my son. I have a pair of highly religious neighbors who refer to each other as Mother and Father, not just to the kids, but in general context. "Mother, have you seen the hammer around?" "Yes, Father, it's in the laundry room." Not my cup of tea, but works for them, I guess. I don't see anything wrong with it, even if I find it odd.
 

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I have a friend who says "The wife" and I rag him about it. Now when he says it he puts it in "air quotes".

And that "Mother" and "Father" thing is just creepy. Wonder if they keep it up in bed.
 

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My impression, that may be incorrect, is that the more impersonal usage (and even the father/mother thing) may have been more common in the past. It may just be what is normal in their families.

I think this is just a matter of culture and habit.
 

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My husband will use my name with people who know I'm his wife and "my wife" with people who do not know me. I find it confusing when people I don't know particularly well refer to family members by first name in conversation when I have no idea who they are.
 

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I have a friend who says "The wife" and I rag him about it. Now when he says it he puts it in "air quotes".

And that "Mother" and "Father" thing is just creepy. Wonder if they keep it up in bed.
I agree. If I called my husband Father, it would be hard to.......well you know :censor:
 

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It puts relationships into context during discussion. I can say "Joe was upset this morning" and that's one thing, you may or may not know who Joe is, or care. "My husband was upset" has a different implication.

When I talk to strangers I use "My husband", nobody needs to know or care what his first name is. The fact that he is my spouse and a partner in the decision making process in our family is the message I am trying to convey.

In some cultures it is impolite to refer to a man's wife by her first name. It implies an improper relationship, even if you have been friends for a long time.

I don't like it when people I don't know call me by my first name, especially sales people. We don't know each other at all and I find it a bit creepy to be on a first name basis.

I also dislike the use of terms like "the little wife" and "the old man". I find it disrespectful.
 

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I think its just a generational difference.
My father called my mom momsie. While my mom always said your father in reference to him to us.
He said my wife and joked that he purchased her meaning the marriage license. No one took offense because it was just silly. (married in 1952)

We call each other by our names but alternate between wife/husband and our names to other people. I actually prefer he say my wife when talking to a stranger. My name isnt necessarily their business. Also we are from the generation that most likely had honor and obey in the service. I dont find any disrespect. I like my husband and my wife. We are bonded together. We have been married 30 yrs next July.
 

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DH almost always speaks of my mom as "my mother-in-law" while everyone around here knows her and knows her name. I don't know why he does that. They like each other and get along well.
 

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Titles and names are funny things. My students call me Dr. Titus, Professor Titus, and Kim. I actually feel most comfortable with Kim. Probably because I started teaching when I was young.

Many retailers train employees to use the buyer's first name both as a security check (you can see if the person looks off guard or ignores the name) and as a way to connect with the buyer on a personal level. When I'm buying, especially negotiating price, I always make it a point to use the seller's first name and use direct eye contact.

I think it's more how you grew up and were trained by employers or education than an age thing. My brother was born when my parents were only 16 and 20. They lived with my father's parents. My brother always called our mother and father by their first names because everyone else did. He did this all his life. I called them Ma and dad. I probably called my mother Ma because that's what she called her mother. When I got a little older, I started calling my father daddy and dad, depending on my mood. I called my maternal grandmother Grandma Daisy but my paternal grandmother (living with us) by her first name. Everyone called her by her first name, even my father, her only child. I called my paternal grandfather by his first name and so did my father. I'm 59 so all that was awhile ago.
 

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I called both sets of my grandparents Ma and Pa and my great-grandmother Granny. I called my parents Mommy and Daddy, as they both called their parents, except Daddy who called his father Dad. He still said Mommy though. Everybody around here says Mommy no matter how old they are!

When my kids were small they had 4 sets of great-grandparents and 2 sets of grandparents living. They called the Ma and Pa but added their first names to distinguish between them all.
 

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How about when your child's friend introduces you to their mom. " this is little miss's mom"

Yes one of my names is little miss's mom

Makes since we would say things to our children at playgroup when they were little like" take this over to Madison's mom"

Oh and my real name has several version of how people say it. To me they all mean me. I can not tell you who calls me what. T hey are all filed in my brain as me and I automatically answer.
 

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I use "my daughter" and "my husband" because I'm proud of them, and love the feeling that they are in my family. Except when the kids are misbehaving, then my husband gets to know what "your daughter" did.


Many retailers train employees to use the buyer's first name both as a security check (you can see if the person looks off guard or ignores the name) and as a way to connect with the buyer on a personal level. When I'm buying, especially negotiating price, I always make it a point to use the seller's first name and use direct eye contact.

I think it's more how you grew up and were trained by employers or education than an age thing.
It is also very much a culture thing. There is nothing I hate more than sellers that use my first name "casually" in the conversation. When I was a child, my parents only said my name when I had done something wrong, so I'm always excepting to be yelled at when someone says "listen, XXXX,..."
 

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DH has 4 kids from a previous marriage, I don't think one of them has ever referred to me as Stepmom. They always introduce me as "This is my dad's wife." Not sure why.


One thing that bugs me is grown people who still use "mommy" and "daddy" when speaking to a third, unrelated party. As in, you are talking to a coworker and say, "Daddy always likes it when I get him Scotch for a birthday present." Weird. I knew a 70-something lady who did that.
 

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DH has 4 kids from a previous marriage, I don't think one of them has ever referred to me as Stepmom. They always introduce me as "This is my dad's wife." Not sure why.


One thing that bugs me is grown people who still use "mommy" and "daddy" when speaking to a third, unrelated party. As in, you are talking to a coworker and say, "Daddy always likes it when I get him Scotch for a birthday present." Weird. I knew a 70-something lady who did that.
Many people in the South refer to their fathers as "daddy." I have a friends from Tennessee and Kentucky in their 60s who call their father Daddy.

Regional, cultural, and family traditions seem strange to those not exposed to them at an early age.
 

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DH has 4 kids from a previous marriage, I don't think one of them has ever referred to me as Stepmom. They always introduce me as "This is my dad's wife." Not sure why.
My mother remarried when I was seventeen. My dad had custody after my parents' divorce. I'm 44 and still do not refer to her husband as anything other than my mom's husband. He did not raise me, so I don't see any point in referring to him as my stepdad.
 

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Unless it's someone who's actually met him, I always refer to my husband as well... "my husband." I don't presume that colleagues, etc. remember my husband's name. I refer to my stepson, cat, etc. in the same way. It makes for simple communication.

It's never occurred to me that this is "wrong"... lol!
 
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