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Discussion Starter #1
the kitchen thread of what to take to a woman who had a baby got me to wonder. I do not mean any offense to anyone here
Why would someone have to bring food for 2 weeks because you had a baby?
I think people make women very soft by doing this. I had a baby and when I came home he went right back to work. His dd came home from school and I had dinner waiting when he got home that night.
Nothing changed because I had a baby.
Why do people think you need to be pampered. Its a natural thing and you keep on living.
Maybe its because I live in the country and we farm but no one around here would (sorry I don't mean to be offence(sp ) do that here. They wouldn't think of being that forward or bold
JMHO
My sister was back in the barn the next day doing all her chores.
( baby was in her playpen up in the manger as were her next 2 daughters )
I just don't get it......
 

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It's called being kind where I come from. People did it to me even though I could have done for myself and my family easily. Here in the South, we believe that it's a good thing to do nice things for other people.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
We do nice things for people here also. It would just seem very intrusive to me.
I would be very hurt if someone did that for me and very ashamed.
 

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I would be very hurt if someone did that for me and very ashamed.
And I would think, "How blessed am I to have friends help out during this busy time when all I want to do is hold my new baby". I can't imagine making it a negative thing. No wonder people are being less and less friendly in life.
 

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I had a c-section with my dd and it was extremely difficult for me to do things afterwords. My family helped me with the cooking and cleaning and I really appreciated it.
 

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When I had my last son the ladies from my Bible study group brought meals

and diapers/wipes. I thought it to be an act of kindness that I accepted

graciously. I was not embarrassed or ashamed that they cared about me

and honestly it was nice not to have to cook for a couple of nights and

spend more time with my new addition. Could I have cooked? Absolutely, but

due to the generosity of a group of selfless friends I did not have to.
 

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I agree with Duchess, it is being kind and trying to help a friend or family member. Childbirth is exhausting and having meals made ffor the first couple of weeks is a great help. I know of lots of my friends and myself also that cooked meals and froze them ahead of the births of our babies to make those first weeks easier. I sure did not feel like standing in the kitchen cooking a meal for my family on the day I came home from the hospital or for several more after that.

I don't understand why you would be hurt if your friends gave you an act of kindness by bringing you a few meals to make those first days easier.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
I guess i'm just different, but I've always been independant .
 

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Discussion Starter #9
All my life I was not able to do much because of my heart problems.
Some was fixed and some never can be fixed. I have alway forced myself to be as normal and independant as possible.
My family and real friends know how much this means to me and i guess thats why they knew it wouldn't be invited.
Like I said I am just different I guess.
 

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I just think it's a nice gesture, though for some it may not be needed we all know how times after having a baby, ie.. no sleep, mood swings, etc... with others helping it's just awesome, I wish I would have had help after my kids were born but I didnt and I made it just fine.

If your offered help I would accept it graciously.
 

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I *wish* people had brought me food or helped me out in the least when I had my daughters. I would have welcomed it wholeheartedly. I had 2 c-sections, and it was awful trying to prepare meals afterwards while being in that much pain. Not to mention nursing every 1.5 hrs and having a colicky baby. I was truly a walking zombie.
 

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I *wish* people had brought me food or helped me out in the least when I had my daughters. I would have welcomed it wholeheartedly. I had 2 c-sections, and it was awful trying to prepare meals afterwards while being in that much pain. Not to mention nursing every 1.5 hrs and having a colicky baby. I was truly a walking zombie.
So many of us can empathize with your post and I guess that's why many of us do it - because we know most people would appreciate it and maybe even need it. I don't know of many who profess to be Superwoman in the days following childbirth. Maybe we are soft, but it's not an easy thing to recover from overnight.
 

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I didn't have anyone bring me anything after I had my babies but I would have accepted it. It was hard the first few days after my csections to get back to cooking and cleaning. DH helped out a whole lot but he was working 10 to 11 hour days also.
 

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I think in most circumstances it's not that we have to have help but it is a wonderful gesture on the part of our friends and family that they care about us and don't want us to worry about anything but the baby for a little while.

After my first daughter my mother-in-law stocked our pantry & refrigerator and my mom made us several meals. I was feeling lousy (and it was Christmas time!) so it was greatly appreciated. After my second daughter I felt great and didn't really need as much help but I accepted it anyway, to have more time with my new baby and my toddler.

There's nothing shameful, imo, in accepting help and kindness from others. I hope to pass on the kindness when it someone else's turn, kwim? :)
 

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I have 4 kids, and I consider myself a very independent person. Prior delivery day with all my kids I did what I could to have freezer meals ready and things more organized so I had less to do during those first few weeks. After my 3rd child I had a friend that brought me a lasagna, salad and a cake. I saw it as a gesture of her kindness and loving me enough to want to do something for me to make my day easier. I did not see it as a way of her trying to step on my indepenence. Since I received that awesome gift of friendship I have done the same for friends after they had a baby, I took my sil and her family a meal after their dog died because I knew the whole family was upset and that with dealing with the loss of well loved family pet cooking a meal that night would be the last thing on her mind. I have made freezer meals for my dhs grandparents. Grandma has had a stroke and is not able to do anything for herself anymore, grandpa is her sole caregiver. They have kids that live within 5 miles of them but these kids do nothing to help their dad out. We live out of state but when we go home to visit I spend a day in the kitchen stocking the freezer with meals that grandpa can thaw and heat up, and we spend time taking care of grandma so grandpa can get a break. I am aware that grandpa is capable of making meals, but if I can do anything to make his days easier I will and he deserves some time off as sole caretaker, just as us moms deserve sometime to ourselves. It isn't about stealing someones independence.......it is about loving someone enough to help out.
 

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I'm also a very independent person, and have always had trouble accepting help. But when I had my twins(and had 2 toddlers at home) I was very grateful for all the help I recieved. I was given alot of baby things before they were even born, so when my mom decided to have a shower for me she asked everyone to bring either a freezable meal or a pkg of diapers as a gift. Alot of people brought both and I ended up with a month's supply of meals and enough diapers for the first 2 mths of their lives. I never had a csection so I can't relate to the pain, but I was exhausted from nursing and boy did those meals come in handy.
 

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I believe people do this to show love/support/friendship and by no means do it as a personal attack to make someone feel 'ashamed'! Independent woman or not, there truly are people out there that care about all of us, and bringing meals, etc after the birth of a baby is their way of showing that. I believe this 'tradition' of bringing meals has been handed down by women who have been in the difficult situation of trying to keep up after baby is born, a subtle, sympathetic and caring way of saying 'i know what you're going through'. Needless to say, I also believe in 'what goes around, comes around' and a good deed is never left unnoticed.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
Like I said everyone is different and ( with me and just me ) I would have
propably excepted it and took it to a older neighbor..
Then went on my way.
I would make up meals for older people anytime ( that to me is whole different thread )
More people need to make meals for the seniors that can't afford to eat after buying meds or paying bills . JMHO
 

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I have been on both sides of this. I have four children and after each one somethimes I received help and sometimes I didn't. The times that I did I was so grateful. That's why, for whatever reason, I always try to help someone else when they need it.
 

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I'd just smile and say thank you.:) I wouldn't want people to hover over me in my house but stopping by with good food, warm wishes and an offer to run to the store for me is always welcome.
 
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