[musclemom1234]

My challenge was to write a short introduction of a couple meeting for a blind date...I only completed a portion...

Sara looked outside of her small office at the rain pouring down outside. It was mid August, so the Midwest humidity was in the air.
She turned back around to look at her desk and the pile of suggestions she had to go through. She was 36 years old and single. She
worked as a community service and outreach librarian in the small town library. Part of her job was to go over requests for new materials
and she had put off the large pile now in front of her. She picked up a few suggestions and started to read them.

She passed by the small mirror on her wall that was at an angle and showed if anyone was coming around the blind corner. The mirror showed that she was
5'1", and had 150 pounds of very thick muscle on her body. She wore a long skirt that hid her massive thighs, a sleeveless top showed off her huge arms that
were bigger than almost most men's. She turned back to her desk and took a drink of water from her water bottle. Her thick neck muscles flexed as she swallowed
3 long gulps. A large black fitness tracker was wrapped around her large forearm. Her short dark hair was tied in a 3 inch ponytail off the middle of the back of her head.

She put the suggestions down and sat down at her desk. She was scheduled to have a blind date that night right after work. Her friends were always trying to set her up.
She could see the small Thai restaurant down the block where she'd go meet the guy, a lawyer from across town.

 

[Contrary Housewife]

Are you asking for a critique?

 

[musclemom1234]

Are you asking for a critique?

Yes

 

[Contrary Housewife]

Here's a good site where you can find writing tips for beginners. Helping Writers Become Authors

You have described a room and your character's physical description but not told me anything about your character, her personality, her goals, or what she feels. It is not engaging to the reader. There is no activity and no emotion present.

How does Sara feel about the rain? Is it a light spring rain, or a dismal winter rain? Is it making noise on the roof or windows? What mood are you setting? What does the humidity mean? Does she like her job? Is her position important to her? Does she want to be in the office today? Are there any other employees and how does she interact with them? What color is her top, does she like bright bold colors or does she wear neutral, subdued clothing? Is she happily single? Why are her friends setting her up with a date? Which friends? Why is she going along with it? What does she hope to gain by doing this? Does she like Thai food? Has she ever had Thai food (maybe this is a new experience for her). Would she rather be doing something else tonight? Why?

The physical description is good for you to have but the reader does not need the fine details like her height or the length of her ponytail or the width of her thighs. It's sufficient to say that Sara is short or stocky, or has pulled her shoulder length hair back out of her face while she works. Let the reader imagine her with only a few descriptors. "Info-bombing" the reader with a lot of details is not interesting or engaging. At the same time, you have very few descriptors about the environment she is in. Is the library warm or cold? You mention the humidity, how is it affecting her? What sounds and smells are present. What do they mean for your character?

Finally, your character isn't doing anything. I know this is a short introductory piece but it should show Sara in action to grab the reader's interest. For example, she might be hurrying out of the office to avoid the co-worker who set her up, or to avoid her boss dumping last minute work on her. She could be walking in the rain trying to keep from getting too wet from passing cars, or desperately trying to hail a taxi so she won't be a disheveled mess for her date. Give us a scene that shows how Sara reacts to her environment and others around her.

I know that seems like a lot, but you'd be surprised how a few carefully chosen adjectives and action verbs can change a piece of writing.

 

[renmerc446]

I second CH's comments. But some portions are confusing or redundant to me. All in all, this reads more like a character description in your author's notes, rather than part of a story.

You mention that it's raining, then immediately follow it by a comment about the humidity. Are you trying to say that the building's interior is humid due to the rain? That it's humid because it's raining? (This is a bit redundant, unless the character's griping around the rain in her head or how the building becomes humid during the rain.)

The sentence about Sara being 36 years old and single is odd in the first paragraph. It should be moved to the paragraph where her friends are trying to set her up on a blind date. The focus of the first paragraph is about her job, not her personal life.

The second paragraph, about her physical description, is very redundant and hyper focused on how thick and massive she is. I don't get a very good sense of who she is. Is she "thick" and "massive" because she's a body builder? Or is she overweight and trying to get fit? Each colors how she perceives herself and the world around her. Is she happy with the way she looks? Content? Disgusted?

As for the mirror on the wall: how does she "pass by" the mirror when she's already at her desk? Or do you mean that she glances up at the mirror to check if someone's coming around the corner? Glancing up at the mirror to check for movement around the corner suggests one thing (she's paying attention to her surroundings), while glancing up to check herself out suggests others (either she's nervous about the blind date, making sure she looks good for the date, or she's self-conscious about her looks, which can be either good or bad).

Finally, I'm confused about the movement in the story. Is Sara sitting or moving about? Is she standing while reading the suggestions and then sits down? Or is she sitting down for the whole time? Having her pace while reading the comments can flesh her character out more. Does she enjoy moving about? Does it help her think or concentrate? Is she pacing because she's nervous about the blind date? Because she's annoyed that her friends constantly try to set her up when she actually prefers to be single? Or is it something she normally does, a personal quirk?

Hope you find this useful. Good luck.