Frugal Village Forums banner

1 - 3 of 3 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
197 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I need to give a back story first to explain my situation better. My dearest friend is raising 2 of her soon to be 5 grandkids, her SIL is raising 1 of the grandkids (they both have legal custody of these girls, mother is raising only 1 and planning on raising the 5th after it's born). My friend is unemployed right now, her SIL does not work, and the daughter does not work (I don't think she's worked a day since being pregnant with the 1st one 5 years ago). My friend helps SIL out as much financially as she possibly can since she does not work and is raising one of her grandkids.

With money being tight, my friend used Toys for Tots to help out with Christmas for the grandkids she's raising. Her SIL was supposed to go there as well, she "had a ride" with someone else and has been acting really flakey (being forgetfull and nasty towards my friend). At the end of the Toys for Tots day I was talking to my friend and she told me everything she got (it was a lot of stuff- nice stuff). She told me that she was not sure if her SIL went though, well lo and behold SIL told her that "toys for tots was a waste of my time and I only got 4 toys". So we are thinking that she really did not go (my friend got a Step 2 play kitchen, plates, food, 2 apron sets, coloring books, 2 dolls, and a game for both of her girls), we can't imagine how much thought they put into her gift she got and her SIL only get 4 things, that's not typical of Toys for Tots (usually it's a huge garbage bag filled half way up- I was in that area and can attest to the hoards of people lugging their garbage bags around!).

So with all that being said, here is my dilema. My friend, with what little money she has, will have to buy her granddaughter all her typical presents (from her grandparents, sisters, great grandfather- the usual thing), and possibly above and beyond to help give her granddaughter a decent Christmas (because SIL would be mad to see what all the granddaughters got at my friends house). I always give the kids a small gift for Christmas (spend about $5 per kid), and their birthdays. I want to get a few little things extra for my friends SIL to give to the little girl on Christmas. My DH disagrees with me, he thinks that we give to this family "too much" (I give them hand me down clothes, some toys, birthday presents, birth presents) and they give us "so little" (my girls will only get a Christmas present from this family, never anything else). He thinks that they could be doing better financially than what they let on (i.e. when she tells me that she's broke, they always manage to have their brand name expensive cigarettes, food, bills are paid, bought something small,etc.), but it breaks my heart that a child I personally know, who could be getting more may not because someone may have or did not go to toys for tots and get a decent amount of gifts.

What would you do? Should I buy an extra toy to gift, or stick with what I have for her already?
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
19,671 Posts
It sounds like the parents have the means to provide for their child. It's up to them to decide what type of Christmas to provide. I think a small gift would be appropriate, whatever you're giving the other kids in your scenario.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,372 Posts
I need to give a back story first to explain my situation better. My dearest friend is raising 2 of her soon to be 5 grandkids, her SIL is raising 1 of the grandkids (they both have legal custody of these girls, mother is raising only 1 and planning on raising the 5th after it's born). My friend is unemployed right now, her SIL does not work, and the daughter does not work (I don't think she's worked a day since being pregnant with the 1st one 5 years ago). My friend helps SIL out as much financially as she possibly can since she does not work and is raising one of her grandkids.

With money being tight, my friend used Toys for Tots to help out with Christmas for the grandkids she's raising. Her SIL was supposed to go there as well, she "had a ride" with someone else and has been acting really flakey (being forgetfull and nasty towards my friend). At the end of the Toys for Tots day I was talking to my friend and she told me everything she got (it was a lot of stuff- nice stuff). She told me that she was not sure if her SIL went though, well lo and behold SIL told her that "toys for tots was a waste of my time and I only got 4 toys". So we are thinking that she really did not go (my friend got a Step 2 play kitchen, plates, food, 2 apron sets, coloring books, 2 dolls, and a game for both of her girls), we can't imagine how much thought they put into her gift she got and her SIL only get 4 things, that's not typical of Toys for Tots (usually it's a huge garbage bag filled half way up- I was in that area and can attest to the hoards of people lugging their garbage bags around!).

So with all that being said, here is my dilema. My friend, with what little money she has, will have to buy her granddaughter all her typical presents (from her grandparents, sisters, great grandfather- the usual thing), and possibly above and beyond to help give her granddaughter a decent Christmas (because SIL would be mad to see what all the granddaughters got at my friends house). I always give the kids a small gift for Christmas (spend about $5 per kid), and their birthdays. I want to get a few little things extra for my friends SIL to give to the little girl on Christmas. My DH disagrees with me, he thinks that we give to this family "too much" (I give them hand me down clothes, some toys, birthday presents, birth presents) and they give us "so little" (my girls will only get a Christmas present from this family, never anything else). He thinks that they could be doing better financially than what they let on (i.e. when she tells me that she's broke, they always manage to have their brand name expensive cigarettes, food, bills are paid, bought something small,etc.), but it breaks my heart that a child I personally know, who could be getting more may not because someone may have or did not go to toys for tots and get a decent amount of gifts.

What would you do? Should I buy an extra toy to gift, or stick with what I have for her already?
Your friend will NOT have to buy all those gifts. That is her choice to do so. The child is safe, loved, warm and receiving gifts already from her. Done and done. How do you define "a decent Christmas"? For me it isn't by the number of gifts. My daughter is receiving one gift this year and has received very little gifts in previous Christmases. She is very loved by myself, my family, they wont be lavishing gifts on her either, we celebrate Christmas by showing our love, getting together for dinner.

Maybe spend time with the girl instead of buying her more things that your DH disagrees with you getting for her. Bring her over to bake cookies with you, which will give your friend a break.
 
1 - 3 of 3 Posts
Top